I am one of those lucky enough to be blessed with the opportunity of being a guardian for four dogs; two of which have decided to ditch me for doggy heaven, and two still visibly here to teach me valuable lessons everyday. The remaining two are Nero and Knox: an 11-year old Blumerle Rough Collie and an adopted 16-month old Brindle Cairn Terrier. The formers were Roxy, an 11-year old Red Siberian Husky and Pedro, a 12-year old Sable Rough Collie. Roxy and Knox are formally mine and the other two hubby’s.
The deaths of creatures that you have cared and loved for since they were puppies was devastating and nearly 9 months on since Roxy passed, I am still shedding bucket loads of tears. It’s still hard to accept and it’s even harder to accept the fact that you will one day have to seriously accept it and come back to reality.
Now that Nero’s lifelong companions have left, his behaviour has drastically changed. Pedro was the alpha and his leader, and now that he’s gone I think Nero’s lost his sense of direction and purpose. When you have bonded so much with the dogs, you can feel it when they’re hurting. This is true and not just some delusion us dog lovers have.
The biggest change is his preference in sleeping outside in the cold at night. When Pedro’s around, you wouldn’t dream of seeing him outdoors. Nero’s an indoor, hate dirt, hate water, hate the sun, hate anything natural type of dog. Yes, it gets quite disturbing to see his peculiarity sometimes. He usually sleeps on our beds, or any bed he can see. But now, he’s outside all the time and is very distant to us. This change is inevitable, but it is one I just cannot accept, not this soon. After two passings in one year, I don’t think I can deal with another just yet. It feels like his sadness not a physical illness that will eventually kill him, and we’re trying everything we can to cheer him up by taking him for more walks, more trips to parks or more time for cuddles.
When you cannot accept a situation, all you want to do is find ways to make sure you never have to accept it. But I know reality will soon catch up with me, and reality’s one that will not let you get away from it.